Because of Sex and the City...

... the movie (god help us) recently being released on DVD I thought it prudent I log weigh in with some tips.

1) Cosmopolitans are MARTINIS. This, simply put, means they are made MOSTLY from vodka, with another alcoholic ingredient being Triple-sec, an orange corn based liquor* The color comes from A SPLASH of cranberry juice.

I mention this because whille the show was in the height of it's popularity you would be amazed how many women would come in and order Cosmo's and then complain that they were too strong or 'this isn't how they're supposed to taste!'.

Now don't get me wrong, cosmo's are tasty drinks. I do not like them, but it was a popular cocktail long before Sarah Jessica Barker and her battalion of whores started ordering them and there's a reason for that. And I should know, Martini's of any kind were one of my specialties. When you pour those mixers into the steel shaker (never, and I do mean NEVER use a plastic shaker) you need to shake that fucker until the metal becomes so cold it sticks to your hands. That's when you will have a beautiful layer of ice on the top of your drink. Some would argue that, and say to shake it thusly** is to bruise the vodka, but to that I say, this is generally really only a concern if you are drinking a straight Vodka Martini. Sure, if you are thirsty for a Belvedere Martini, straight up you might want to think about a gentler shaking method. But if you are already mixing it with Triple Sec and Cranberry juice, you're obviously not concerned too much with enjoying the full vodka flavor and thus, the layer of ice is the trade off.

But yes, the point of this rambling diatribe is for all you fans of Sex and the City out there*** a Cosmo is a drink made mostly of alcohol, cut with lesser parts of other items to change and accent the taste of the vodka****. IT IS NOT PINK BECAUSE THE JUICE HIDES THE TASTE OF THE ALCOHOL. If this is what you are after order a Cape Cod (1 oz. Vodka and the rest cranberry) and ask them to shake it and serve it up in a fancy schmancy martini glass.

2) If you don't drink much and are going out do NOT where high-heels if you're unaccustomed to wearing them. This will save you from falling on your face when you finish your second Cosmo and stand up too fast, and it will save the bartender, whose really only doing his job and trying to look out for you, from being accused, whether directly or indirectly, of over serving you.

3) Do not accept drinks from strangers eyeing you across the bar unless you want to talk to them. Do not begin talking to them and accept more drinks unless you plan on either going home with them or at least giving them your (currently active) phone number. And it is NOT the bartender's fault for conveying the initial offer of said free drink on the stranger's behalf, no matter what happens as a result. We are there to serve the clientele and if that includes relaying a message between two people, yep, that's part of the job description. Ancient Roman wisom - DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER!!!
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* Fact checker - is this corn based? I'm pretty sure but now my memory has lapsed.

** Thusly? Have I been replaced by Thor?

*** Given the cast, I'll take the city

**** And yes, I have had a request (singular) for a gin Cosmopolitan before and I made it and served it with the same comment I reserve for the person that order Scotch and Milk - You're a very sick person and this drink should not exist.